Most couples want to receive love frequently, in a consistent flow.
A kind word,
a gentle touch,
a warm hug,
a listening ear,
are some of the ways we feel loved by our spouse.
But often we are often frustrated at the lack of love we are experiencing. We are left asking ourselves, "why can't he/she just know what I'm feeling and give me what I need?"
Wouldn't that be amazing, if our spouses could generate the appropriate expressions of love at the right time?
It's safe to say that love is often experienced like a surprise gift, springing from the other without prompt from us. We like it when these surprises are often and consistent, but we are dismayed when they are far and few between. But we have a part in this.
CS Lewis once stated that, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." Sometimes to be vulnerable means to ask for what you need and want from the person. You get vulnerable and ask the person for help, for a hand, for their attentive heart… for some love.
Here are some ways we can get vulnerable with our spouses;
a. Ask for affection.
"Honey, do you mind holding me, I need a hug."
b. Ask for attention.
"Honey, do you mind setting aside some time tonight to listen to me. I got some things on my heart that I need to process and share."
c. Ask for acknowledgment.
"Honey, do you mind affirming and acknowledging my participation and my contribution. I will gladly hear what I need to do more of, or things I need to change, but do you mind cheering me on today. I really need the encouragement."
are ways we can be vulnerable
and open the atmosphere inside of us
to be filled with love.
Here are Some Things We Probably Shouldn’t Do:
a. Demand rather than ask.
"Hug me right now. Pay attention to me. Put down your phone! You could say, 'thank you' once in a while for what I do."
b. Correct/Condemn while “asking”.
"Honey, can you help me by doing your half of the chores on time?"
c. Questioning rather than asking.
"Honey, why don't you ever clean the house?" Or, "why don't you ever initiate a conversation with me? Why do I have to always ask how your day was?"
Remember, our spouses are not mind readers. Often they are wrestling with fears, anxieties, and needs of their own. Knowing this will help you see that asking for love and care doesn’t nullify the purity and authenticity of their response. Your spouse loves you, believe this and ask kindly and sincerely.
Hope this helps. Have a good Thanksgiving guys!